I want to stick my p in your. b.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
