You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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