i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
