Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
