This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he thought i was a dude.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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