It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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