Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
