My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
