I must be too annoying 4 u.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
