This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
