I smell stomach acid.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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