Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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