She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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