i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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