I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found your dick twin last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
