What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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