no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so let's talk penis.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize