I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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