I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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