I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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