the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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