HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
