omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
people are starting to question the shark bite story
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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