oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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