Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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