lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
