everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
