One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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