I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
