When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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