Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
