I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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