I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
