you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
vagina is talking i cant
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
