I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
