I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
