When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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