His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
