one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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