OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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