why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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