I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
