Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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