would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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