....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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