I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
