kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
