The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
