"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
