New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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