Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
