Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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