ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
