Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
do nipples grow back?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
