Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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