you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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