Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
