We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
