Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
