If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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