Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
