i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
