Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
