I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
