Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
