just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
