im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
