PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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