I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
