I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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