my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
