How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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